2 tokes.
I was taken back to that awkward afternoon in a bedroom with you where we were high as the clouds.
We were probably in that pleasant post coital period where everything was funny and charming; videos, kissing, laughing, nonsensical conversations.
What a splendid afternoon that was, even though you were wearing silk boxers like some thirteen year old or something.

And then I was back on the dance floor and wiping the smoke from my eyes.
Oh these escapes we so often let ourselves have.  

I’m platinum. 
Photo to follow.
 

Maybe the reason that I usually drink on a Saturday is because waking up with a pounding headache is easier than a weird sense of unexplained foreboding - the latter of which is the sensation rocking out in my mind this morning.

Because I’ve been fairly content recently.
Actually some days I feel like I could say that I’ve been rather happy!
And it’s usually about this length of time before something happens which throws my life back into tailspin.

I wish that everything could just say the same all the time.
Stay the same generally with just enough changing that life remained dynamic and exciting for all parties involved.
Because now I’m just sitting in bed expecting: an unintentional bombshell, a direct kick to the teeth, something from someone that will rip ‘content’ and ‘happy’ to pieces, again.

Worrying about worrying seems completely stupid, and I wish that I didn’t.
But I’m worrying.

Maybe I’m just still feeling the effects of very little sleep paired with a over thinking Virgo heart and a group of people that I like and love that have me constantly second guessing myself.

Cross x B 

If u could have sex with anybody in the world who would it b with? Myself. Seriously, it would be interesting.
How do u feel about interracial relationships? Love doesn’t discriminate, haters.
If u could have waited 2 lose your virginity, who would u have lost it 2? Which time? Baby mama maybe if we’re talking girl times, but despite how things ended I wouldn’t have changed it in terms of boy love. 
How do u feel about having sex in water? Just, no. It’s one of those things virgins think is a really sexy idea, and it is, until you try it.
If u could b any porn star who would it b? Umm… I don’t think I would want to be any? Some buff as guy probably.
How many times a day do u like 2 have sex? If I could choose, I would say like, at least two - morning and night sex, but sometimes I’m just a sexual being who may need attention at lunchtime. 
The best sex u ever had was with who? Honestly? Bathroom floor sex still tops my list, but I have had some pretty sweet times.
Whats the most orgasms u have had during sex? I wish I could multiple orgasm. I have done once, and it was so astounding that it wasn’t pleasurable because I was trying so hard to remember how it happened so that I could do it again - just ride it out guys!
How long would u prefer foreplay 2 last? Forever. 
Where is your biggest turn on spot? My neck and behind my ears. Also my hips, duh.
Whats your favorite part of foreplay? The getting started, actually. Like, the undressing and the teasing and the will we won’t we (we obviously will, but pretending we won’t is fun.)
Do u know anybody with their clit pierced? Yes I do.
Do u know anyone with a tattoo on their dick? No I don’t.
What do u think is an average dick size? Who has time to measure? There is obviously an ‘average’ but there is so much to take into account!
Does size really matter? I think as long as you’re the aforementioned ‘average’ it’s fine. 
Have u ever faked an orgasm? Yes I have, how stupid can you be seriously? 
Have u ever done the 69, & if so how much do u love it? I just realised how funny these questions are. Yes I have, not that often because it’s a structural nightmare, and sometimes it’s alright. 
Do u masterbate & how often? Often, and that’s not how you spell it.
Have u or would u ever have a 3some? Yes I have.
Out of the people u have had sex with, who was the best? This question was already asked.
Do u prefer sex in the morning or at night? I don’t have a preference. I wish that morning breath didn’t exist.
How old were u when u lost your virginity? 14 & 15
If u could b a virgin again, would u? Fuck no.
Is there anybody on your entire friends list that u would have sex with? Quite a few.
Do u like using toys during sex? Not particularly, i’m all about people.
Favorite sexual position? I don’t have one.
Do u love oral sex? Sure, if you’re offering.
Do u like fast or slow sex? Slow.
Do u like 2 talk dirty during sex? Sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s awkward, like when someone starts talking dirty and you’re obviously not into it but they keep going anyway and suddenly you’re taking part in this weird teacher role-play and getting totally weirded out by it.
Have u ever had phone sex? Yes.
Do u prefer lights on or off? Mood lighting all da way.
Do u like 2 look at the persons face during sex? Yes I do.
How do u feel about the opposite sex masterbating in front of u? I just started laughing, mainly because of Josie’s answer before mine, but, whatever, I wouldn’t be turned on, but I wouldn’t be grossed out.
Do u like 2 have music playing during sex? Um, like sentimental? Gross. Maybe sexy music.
Whats the best song 2 play during sex? Drop it Like It’s Hot.
Have u ever had sex in the kitchen? Yes… once. It was hygienic though.
How many people have u had sex with? I don’t count.
Does watching porn turn u on? Yes.
Have u ever had sex in any parents bed? Yes. I really hope mum doesn’t read this. I did wash the sheets though. And technically it was my bed for the month they were away.
Whats the most times u have had sex in 1 day? Uhmmm, three? Maybe four? A 24 hour day?
Would u ever have sex 4 money? How much money and how hot are they?
Have u ever had sex in a room while other people were there? Yes. 
Was there a time when u were having sex and u wished u were doing something else? Something else? No. Someone else? Yes.
Have u ever yelled somebody elses name during sex? I don’t yell names that is fucking creepy.
When u r about 2 cum or orgasm is there anything u say? Ummm, jesus. Probably! I don’t have a signature line that will answer this question!
Is there anybody u wish u would have never had sex with and if so, why? Yes. It was really slutty and not in a good way.
How long has it been since u have had sex? I refuse to answer this question.
Whats the longest u have ever gone without sex? Quite awhile, I’m only sexually active when I’m sexually attracted which doesn’t happen as often as you’d think.
Wheres the worst place u have ever had sex? My hot tub.
What kind of safe sex methods do u practice? ~lesbo~
Ever been 2 the mile high club? lol i wish

So last night my favourite dork couple was once again at my bus stop.
I wonder if I make a conscious effort to catch the 9.40 267 from St James if they will be there every time?

Anyway, I was sitting there - attempting to fix the mess that was my hair whilst trying to figure out what Proust’s latest digression was meant to achieve when I heard him plodding along the curb in front of me, his trunk of an arm guiding her like she was infirm. 

And so whilst I pretended to still be engrossed in my novel, I was eagerly listening to their exchange.
He advised her clumsily that he was taking 2-hour advanced Japanese classes on Wednesdays which is why he couldn’t see her tomorrow.
In stilted English she replied that she did not care what he was doing tomorrow night, clearly missing the message that he was doing something for her.

If I was dating this bitch I would, at this point, have gone into an indignant tirade or a passive aggressive sulk, but he laughed it off and continued with his lengthy evaluation over whether learning Japanese for two hours would be better than seeing his darling if in doing so he was helping their relationship. 
She was all the while staring blankly up at him without making any effort whatsoever.

I was squirming with enjoyment over just how fucking cute this oaf was being whilst harbouring a secret desire to stab his girlfriend and then I realised.
Of the two, he is considerably more dorky than she is - and he is the one making all the effort in the relationship.
Obviously this is coming from a completely uninformed perspective, but I did realise that my initial reaction more than a year ago of ‘dorks find and fall in love with dorks’ is completely unfounded, and that even in such a relationship there are incredible intricate power relationships afoot.

I wonder what’s in it for her?
He definitely doesn’t have money.
Style isn’t his friend.
She doesn’t look like the type of person to fall for someone whose simple mindedness is somewhat charming.

Maybe he just has a really big dick =/ 

Last week I seemed to be content, or at least that’s what I wrote about and therefore would appear to be an accurate reflection of my feelings.
It’s really a week on week off joyride, destination unknown.

Because now I’m sitting here and my thoughts are anything but wholesome.
They’re dark or they’re sexy.
Sometimes I’m skating the line between the two and thinking dark sexy things.

Contentedness makes me stagnant, and I think that my mind automatically goes into overdrive whenever things seem to get too fine in order that I don’t suffer creatively.

And now I’m not content because I have to go to a funeral tomorrow.
I’m not content because I have malaise for some reason.
I’m not content because I miss people and I’m not content because I’m seeing more of people I don’t want to be seeing.

I keep having death fantasies even though I don’t want to be dead.
Last night I dreamed that I got shot in the head and it was quite horrific, but I’m sure I went down smiling.

And my death dreams follow on quite closely from dreams where I am having incredibly, incredibly good sex.

I used to be so Vanilla.
Now I know how Rihanna feels.  

lucaslascivious:

I had an awful dream last night that I was a complete and utter loser that went around dating everyone else’s cast offs because I hadn’t the good graces to go out and find anyone else.


Thank god I woke up and realised that this role had been cast a very long time ago and I was simply being a loser vicariously.